Meditations in the Key of J

The Cult of Personality has personally invited me to another of his band's shows. Note to those interested: personal invitations will always ensure my attendance at an event, no matter how ambivalent I may have been before it was issued, because such an invitation almost always means that some meaningful social interaction is in the offing, no matter of what the event itself may consist.

That said, I'm just not sure that the Cult and I have all that much to talk about, these days. High school was great and fun and memorable and all that, but... it's also over. It's been remarked that I've changed a lot since then, mostly by those who knew me back then, and in most cases (Chantal being the notable exception) it seems as though I just can't relate very well to the old high school gang, because they, for the most part, haven't changed all that much.

Still, a part of me misses times past. I only wish I knew how to tell when trying to reinvent them becomes an exercise in futility. Of course, I do quite enjoy the Senate's music, so it's less of an issue for this particular event than for some others... and yet.

I really do need to get out more.

Chantal is back in town, and while it's great to see her, my joy is tempered with sadness: she's thinking of moving to San Diego after she graduates, which will be in the spring.

It's strange that I didn't notice how limited my social life had become since I moved back-- I really don't see or talk to anyone save two or three people. I could see other people, of course, but most of them are people from high school whose company I've pretty much outgrown, and my time would really be better spent reading a good book than hanging out with them.

I do still have other good friends, but they're all dispersed across the country, and seeing them on a regular basis is problematic at best. I don't want to see people just for the sake of socializing itself, but I miss the people I genuinely care about when they aren't here. I just didn't realize how much until they came back... not enough distractions around now, I guess; sometimes, stability can be a curse. It only makes it even more important that I enjoy the time I have with my close friends while they and I are in the same place.

Nobody could seriously describe me as a social butterfly; I'm not one of those people who makes friends for friendship's own sake. If I consider someone a friend, it means they've distinguished themselves in a way few humans ever manage, and that makes that person very important to me.

So: the quest for true equilibrium continues.

cherrysher is back at the airport, shortly to begin her transcontinental flight back to NYC. While the weirdness of the visit (I blame Eugene! Or, like, the planets or something, because dude) strained our psyches near to the breaking point, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have shared it with. If nothing else, the past 7 days have given me some hope that we are not destined to be forever estranged by geographical or meteorological concerns.

As far as this continent goes, I don't think I could be physically happy anywhere but in the little belt of heaven that stretches from San Francisco to Vancouver, B.C.; I find our completely non-humid summers here hard enough to bear, and after living in NY for one year straight I can't imagine willingly subjecting myself to that kind of hell ever again... except that I've realized that being apart from the important people is a different kind of hell, and, I think, a worse one.

I have a great deal of important people here, of course, and it's probably a vain hope that all of my people will ever make it to one place and stay there. I'll do whatever I can to make it happen, though.

As queueball said last night: "when you're fucked, you move to Seattle."

Amen.

And for my final thought... "October: The Month In Which Shit Goes Down."

I swear.

Chantal, being in town for about 5+1/2 minutes, as per usual, has departed once more for the other SLC. My time with her was of course far too brief, but at least El Loco Mexicano and I were able to see her off this morning after queueball was so good as to open his relaxing apartment to me and my friends for some hang-out time last night.

It's strange how some people have stayed with me through the years, while others have fallen (or have jumped headlong) by the wayside. I don't really regret losing touch with just about any of the latter group-- if I'd really wanted to retain their friendship, I would have made an effort to do so, after all. I only hope that all those whom I count among my closest confidants will eventually make their way to Seattle, once again or for the first time-- if I'm going to live anywhere in America, it's here, and the likelihood of getting all of my good buddies to move to, say, Amsterdam or Brussels or Geneva seems small at best.

Still, I myself am doing my damnedest to escape this earthly paradise once more-- however temporarily-- so I can hardly begrudge anyone else the need to spread their wings and see how high they can fly.

It seems to me that, at least in certain people, there lives within an instinctive aversion to a certain kind of comfort-- that to play it safe and do the sensible thing is deeply inimical to inner peace. By doing that which, by all rational material standards at least, should make us happy because secure, we can stifle some essential inner quality that only finds its true expression by dealing with a certain amount of adversity/chaos.

Call it the "Crucible Theory", perhaps.

I can't remember the last time I had such a long day. It was worth it, every second, but damn are my feet tired.

Quiche was baked and served without a hitch, to rave reviews from brunch attendees. Lazing about was done, then we went to watch a bit of the parade-- in attendance were, as previously mentioned, queueball, driftwoodsun, priorysion, and various others who shall for the nonce remain nameless. jilocasin actually agreed to come with me, but he left a little before noon.

We watched the parade for a while, then went back to the apartment for a bit, thence to Volunteer Park to check out the festivities-- driftwoodsun, priorysion and I having formed an ad hoc splinter group, the "Tall Brunets Brigade" or some such. Got caught in the crush, was blessed by one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (and I didn't even have to blow a bishop!), then met up with the rest of the group and wandered back to Broadway for lunch/dinner at some Thai joint that turned out to be pretty damn good. During the meal, I was informed that I am, in point of fact, a sun bear. I don't think I'll ever really understand furries as long as I live.

We went back to the park, watched a little bit of the live entertainment, then queueball was good enough to give those of us who needed it a ride home.

I have little or nothing in common with most gay men, as is true of most people, but when I do click with them, as has never happened until recently, it's an experience rich beyond the telling of it. The love of comrades doth truly surpass the love of women.

And that's my Pride thought for the day.