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teiresiasThis makes little sense even to me, but I'm feeling a bit precarious right now, and I need to get it out, so:
I want power. Of any sort. I want to be able to work my will in the world, to make changes for the better. My perfect world requires a lot of blood to grease the wheels of history, I think, but leave that aside for now.
Everything I do, all this preparation for the future, is designed to bring me closer to that power. I want my life to mean something. Is that wrong? Doesn't being truly human mean working for the greater good?
Of course, I also want to be wealthy. My preparations are also designed to aid me in that. Is the goal of personal enrichment incompatible with that of species enrichment? To be a moral individual, is it necessary to be selfless in all things?
If it isn't? Then I'm having a mini-crisis. I want to go home and be with my love, to spend my time making him happy because I know that makes me happy. I think being rich (or at least comfortably well-off) would make me happy too, but at what cost? Certainly a cost not worth paying if it jeopardizes the few pure things in my life.
Peace Corps, Carnegie, OSI, the UN, even grad school... all these things bring me closer to total engagement with the world. I don't know if I can attain that and keep myself from becoming something... easy. Evil isn't easy, yet. But I think it could be. No institution, however noble its goals, is entirely free from corruption.
And I don't think I'm strong enough to do it all by myself.
I want power. Of any sort. I want to be able to work my will in the world, to make changes for the better. My perfect world requires a lot of blood to grease the wheels of history, I think, but leave that aside for now.
Everything I do, all this preparation for the future, is designed to bring me closer to that power. I want my life to mean something. Is that wrong? Doesn't being truly human mean working for the greater good?
Of course, I also want to be wealthy. My preparations are also designed to aid me in that. Is the goal of personal enrichment incompatible with that of species enrichment? To be a moral individual, is it necessary to be selfless in all things?
If it isn't? Then I'm having a mini-crisis. I want to go home and be with my love, to spend my time making him happy because I know that makes me happy. I think being rich (or at least comfortably well-off) would make me happy too, but at what cost? Certainly a cost not worth paying if it jeopardizes the few pure things in my life.
Peace Corps, Carnegie, OSI, the UN, even grad school... all these things bring me closer to total engagement with the world. I don't know if I can attain that and keep myself from becoming something... easy. Evil isn't easy, yet. But I think it could be. No institution, however noble its goals, is entirely free from corruption.
And I don't think I'm strong enough to do it all by myself.
